The emotions that run through me when I watch this old video are so conflicting.
I’m filled with love. It seems like forever ago and also like yesterday. I remember those pyjamas, the new baby smell, the sleepless exhilaration that came with becoming mother of two children.
But I also remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach, knowing that something in Sawyer’s behaviour wasn’t quite right. That somehow my journey through motherhood was going to be a little bit different.
This video encapsulates the struggle we faced with Sawyer’s diagnosis. He was adorable, funny, happy and energetic. His sensory-seeking quirks were endearing and lovable. And weren’t obvious all of the time.
This snapshot of our life shows a happy and excited boy who loves his baby sister. And that was how the health visiting team and the GP saw him. They saw these individual moments and could not see the bigger picture. They had all the jigsaw pieces but they couldn’t see the puzzle.
If you are at the beginning of your journey with additional needs, stay strong. You aren’t losing your mind.
I believe you.